GROWING IN SICKNESS

by Crystal Splinters Museum

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1.
reckless head in clouds falling off the ground makes a silly sound no one is around to hear it stomp the floor watching hearts ripped out making all the crowd from the TV screen rejoice
2.
what you've been up to? i haven't seen your face in a while i'm sorry for the missing time couldn't reach the phone to call you i watched you grow and now we're far apart youth was just a mountain to climb i wish i had the energies to keep in touch but i'm just a husk / even the prettiest flower won't stand still, won't breathe if attached to a parasite, it'll turn to the other side growing in sickness will let you down, won't let you feel it'll shut you off and i'll wear you out it'll wear you out. (it wears you out). / this room feels like a coffin there's no fun in here no sun in here only the miracle of your laugh erases all the pain makes me feel again when it appears on your face: rampant grace who knows the ways to my heart?
3.
took the boys out of town for a ride went to see the stars on a field stained dark gazing up a naught-colored sky pitch black in my mind all my guts are twined chills down my spine when you laugh guillotine-like sound i kiss your eyes don't cry it's just the sky, it keeps falling down pitch black in my mind all my guts are twined pitch black doesn't mind just get back in time
4.
they have brought me into so much pain i do keep beliving that this is a deja vu how do we fit into this strange world of which we are the issue? the point is where do i belong the point is i try to get along with the people i met but the people i met they're not you, they're not you i ran out of luck i watched a movie and i cried alfredo says: "don't give in to nostalgia" and i cried. like a baby, oh i... spent the whole night thinking about the places i've left behind oh god, let me be somewhere else i'll trade my loved ones to be where i fit in, nonetheless... please god! let me be someone else! i'll trade my biggest fears for anything else, for anything else for anything else. the point is: wher do i belong? the point is: that i try to get along with the people i met but the people i met they're not you they're not you i've been here and there and everywhere and all these places are made of sand they smell like my mother's hands on a summer day
5.
we used to wake early in the morning and wear the same livid rage coloured dress but now you don't share a meal now you don't share the meanings we gave to words. instead you say my words are an awful waste of ink. funny since we only argue by the phone. our texting lights up our lonely faces in the nights where we won't share a meal like we did when the meanings we gave to words were the same and all my inked letters were the only ones you'd read.
6.
7.
now that my eyes are sinking in tears and my sight is foggy like in the nightmares where i'm haunted by ghosts of dead queens now that i can't remember my name or the streets that i usually take would you help me remember what's your doorbell, again? will i see you again? will i dream of you again?
8.
the crisis help says i'll find some peace if i breathe in, breathe out but i can't try as i'm paralyzed and all these folks, they gaze at me and say i lack of empathy, i am no good i can't feel anything my fortuneteller says they are right and maybe i should just abide and try to fix my pride but i am crushing my grief under the weight of my disbelief well, given that i can't hide i need some sort of sweet comfort to pacify my inner chaos but all these folks, they expect me to behave like they would do, they say i'm frantic but i can be good all this pressure is going to bend forever these fragile shoulders carrying on the weight of all this fucking world but i am crushing my grief under the weight of my disbelief i'm chewing through my sorrow
9.
10.
hey there little trombone how did you get a house of your own? a house with a beautiful porch and a wife it's like we dreamed when we were alive well then, would you invite, this poor aching soul inside of your side i will just cry and get in a fight with all of the ducks in your pond of versailles hey there little trombone how did you get a house of your own a house that happens to be so boring just like you do: no more human being you're right i've had a few drinks, but that doesn't mean you're not still boring you have got no more stories to tell aside from the dad jokes that you've learned so well i'll get out of this party i'm not in the mood cause i'm in a hurry i'm in a hurry cause i don't want be growing so old like the friends u got here well, then, mr. trombone have so much fun with your neighborhood all of the stink of coffin made me puke all the youth i've got left to live
11.
loneliness is a state of mind why can't i relate to any of my kind? you're the only thing that makes me feel real glad i'm alive. the warmth of your body cools all my fears so tonight i will be moving inside of you trying to get fucked real good forget all the drama and dance with the moon only to find i'm not in the mood tonight will be special i will behave, i'll smile with some grace using the right words trying to be nice my little lone star will shine shine so much brighter than the other ones but i will be safe i will be good only if i get away from the haze of this crowded room trying to get fucked up good forget all the drama and dance with the moon only to find i'm still not in the mood loneliness is a state of mind wherever you are, even in a crowd alienating, feeling blue when the sun is gone i disappear into you

about

this album talks about feelings we shove deep down in the bottom of our hearts. in our lives, we're going to face troubles and dark times. hold onto what you love and don't lose the grasp. you'll make it to the end.

credits

released July 3, 2018

cover art by mateen razzak
thanks to imani for the vocals in "presagio triste"
everything else was played, recorded, shitty mixed and produced by me

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Crystal Splinters Museum Naples, Italy

musicista scarso

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